Round Ball and Dimples
After two weeks of eye-balling the PGA Tour and March Madness on the tube, I have become thoroughly amused and confused, while the sofa springs have been abused. Indulge me.
Amused
Try as I may, I just can’t get past Sergio Garcia’s outfits without giggling. As my long departed father would say, “Would you get on a bus looking like that?” Speaking of clothing, what’s with all of the orange shirts I’m seeing on a regular basis? Did I miss a memo on the hottest new color? I remember wearing an orange shirt while playing in a pro-am and having a friend holler from an adjacent fairway, “It’s a pumpkin with legs” Don’t you just love the way people talk about their NCAA brackets? Here’s a thought for all of you: WE’RE ALL GUESSING! If you really knew who was going to win, why wouldn’t you sell the house and call a bookie? And while we’re on the subject, note to second born: Try spending as much time studying as you do on the bracket pools! Knowledge will pay off more than that mess you call a bracket. And when can I expect payment?
Switching gears, that Stanford swimming coach who erased the very existence of one of his swimmers from the media guide might be onto to something here. I pulled out a bunch of old scorecards and, during commercials, I just wiped out all scores of double bogey or higher. Turns out, I’m not half bad. Why didn’t someone think of this before?
Confused
Who gets on your nerves faster, Dick Vitale or Johnny Miller? Do you prefer overbearing or pompous? Pick your poison, but this is a debate that would probably spill over into four overtimes or nine extra holes. They both drive me nuts. That’s a GREENLIGHT SPECIAL BABYYYYYYYY! After watching Tiger hit the ball into the water on consecutive holes at Bay Hill, then coming back to win at Doral, one has to wonder which Tiger will show up at Augusta. (see bracket below) It’s been rumored that when we all go through the Pearly Gates and take our place with Golfer One, all of our questions will be answered. My top two for G.O. are: Where is the definitive line between a charge and a blocking foul? Beats me. Why do all the wrestlers on the Latin Channel wear masks?
To come full circle, let me offer my attempt to combine the Madness of March with the sublime offering of April that is Augusta, with my Masters Bracket with #1 Seeds:
I’m Four-Under The Minute I See Magnolia Lane, Regional> #1,T-Dub
Thanks For All The Changes To The Place That Only Help Me, Regional> #1, Eldrick
If I Shoot Par Or Better On Thursday, Y’all Might As Well Go Home, Regional> They call me, # 1,“Mr. Woods”
Hurry Up and Pass Me the Jacket So I can Call Roger and Annika, Regional> #1,Tiger
I think you’ll find there’s a lot less guessing with a Masters Bracket.
